Oprah Wasn't Invited to Tom & Katie's Wedding  —  Tom Cruise may have famously jumped on Oprah Winfrey's couch to declare his love for Katie Holmes, but Winfrey won't be at his wedding in Italy Saturday.  —  "It's not that I'm not going," Winfrey tells Extra's AJ Calloway in a segment to air on Tuesday.

Eva Longoria: I'm Not Starring in Lesbian Movie  —  Eva Longoria is shooting down rumors that she plans to star as Beyonce Knowles's lover in a new movie.  —  "Stop the madness" Longoria tells PEOPLE exclusively about the false reports that she and Knowles will play a couple in an adaptation …

Kevin Federline to sell sex tape  —  In the smartest - and sleaziest - move yet, Kevin Federline is using his alleged 4-hour sex tape with Britney Spears to leverage custody of the children and $30 million.  He's already been offered $50 million by companies wanting to distribute it on the web …

JUST ASKING  —  WHICH ivory tickler, frequently caught drunken driving, is back on the sauce?  The musician has stopped in a few of his local bars and had a few drinks, only to leave the bartenders no tip . . . WHICH singer had to deliver her child via Cesarean because of a raunchy STD her estranged husband gave her?

AT LAST, JUDE SHOWS SIENNA THE LAW  —  JUDE Law and Sienna Miller have finally parted ways for good - but this time it was Law who did the dumping, pals told Page Six.  "She was just too wild for him," dished one insider.  "She partied too much.  He is a devoted father of four children and she always wanted to go out constantly.

Gayle airs her story:  —  Ex-hubby a 'cheater'  —  As rumor would not have it, Gayle King left her husband because of his behavior, not hers, she says on her XM Satellite Radio show this morning.  —  The alluring chatster, who just completed a cross-country driving trip with best friend Oprah Winfrey …

Angelina Jolie Provides Live Entertainment for India's Commuters  —  Not that we don't appreciate it, because it makes our job easier, but do we really need both of our major wire services reporting that Angelina Jolie got on a train in India and - gasp — it was crowded?  Of course we do!

Katie spends $3,000 on wedding lingerie  —  Plus: Liza Minnelli's estranged husband proves himself a diva … John D Mchugh / AFP - Getty Images  —  Katie Holmes is getting a fabulous Armani gown for her wedding - and looks like what she'll be wearing under that gown won't be too shabby, either.

Brad's Rep Nixes Jolie-Pitt Wax Wedding  —  Las Vegas' Madame Tussauds wax museum nixed the plan to stage a depiction of Angelina Jolie, 31, and Brad Pitt, 42, getting married Pitt's rep protested, the Associated Press reports.  The scene would have included a wax figure of George Clooney standing in as best man.

Sweeps Alert — En-Tyra Audience Strips!  —  Tyra Banks pantsed her entire audience on one of her upcoming shows.  —  The crowd, clad in robes at the beginning of the show, exposed themselves in all their undergarment glory — men and women!  —  Of course Tyra herself led the charge by starting the show in her bra and panties.

This Can't Be Tara Reid  —  Somebody kidnapped old Tara Reid, chewed her up and spit out this new and improved version on the red carpet on Saturday.  Weird.  It's like this person is tear-assing around L.A. in a brand new Tara suit and the real Tara Reid is somewhere chained to a bed …

Michael loves hotel windows  —  Michael Jackson greeted screaming fans last night as he waved (his brown nails) from his hotel window in London (minus dangling baby).  He had a strange scratch down one side of his nose (can't reverse the plastic surgery now Michael).

45 Years of Bondage: Every Bond Movie Trailer  —  If you haven't seen any or all of the previous 20 Bond films, then you can catch yourself up by watching the trailers for all of the movies.  Extremely enterprising YouTube user famouswillie (and other folks with an extraordinary amount of free …

Breaking News!  Paris Hilton Shows Ass!  —  You know it's a slow gossip day when Paris Hilton's ass makes its way onto Hollywood Tuna.  I know it's not breaking news but for this one time, let's pretend it is (because hey, pretending is fun right?).  With that said, spread the word folks!

Barbara Walters Puckers Up  —  MUAH!!  Barbara Walters and Oprah Winfrey arrived at last night's The New York Public Library's Annual Library Lions Gala in New York City.  The event was held at the Public Library Rose Reading Room, Fifth Ave. nr. 42nd St. Also on the guest list: Mayor Bloomberg, Anna Wintour, and Candice Bergen.

Jennifer Lopez Named Best Dressed  —  Harper's Bazaar couldn't decide which celebrities deserved to be on their best dressed list this year (Kirsten's "street chic" or Halle's "showstoppers"?  It's like choosing which child to save in a fire.), so they invited everyone aboard.

QUEEN GETS MEAN  —  SHE was kind to Catherine Zeta-Jones at the Glamour Awards, but Queen Latifah was royally rude to "Law & Order" actor Bill Burns last week.  Burns approached Latifah at Newark Airport and tried to give her his business card.  She responded by prompting a friend with her to …

X-tina Keeps It Real  —  Far be it from me to listen to marriage advice from a pop star—especially one whose recent past seems to include a fetish for crotchless clothing—but these days, Christina Aguilera seems to be a lot more level-headed than I used to give her credit for in the past.