The Onion  · 2,265,436 like this  —  On behalf of The Onion, I offer my personal apology to Quvenzhané Wallis and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for the tweet that was circulated last night during the Oscars.  It was crude and offensive—not to mention inconsistent …

Ben Affleck's Oscar Speech — Can He Recover ... At Home??  —  BEN AFFLECK'S OSCAR SPEECH  —  Can He Recover  —  ... At Home??  —  Ben Affleck could probably use a ladder to get out of that hole he dug himself into at the Oscars last night when he called out the imperfections in his marriage …

Exclusive: Andy Samberg Engaged to Joanna Newsom!  —  Credit: Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images  —  No joke — Saturday Night Live alum Andy Samberg is getting married!  A rep for the actor confirms to Us Weekly exclusively that the 34-year-old funnyman is engaged to his girlfriend of five years, singer-songwriter Joanna Newsom.

Kristen Stewart Explains Crutches, Foot Injury to Anne Hathaway Backstage at Oscars  —  Credit: Jason Merritt/Getty; Jeff Vespa/WireImage.com  —  Kristen Stewart had good reason to be at least little Les Miserables at Sunday's Oscars at the Dolby Theatre in Hollywood.

Oscars 2013: Heidi Klum almost flashes in plunging gown at Elton bash  —  Heidi Klum almost suffered a wardrobe malfunction in a daring gown with a plunging neckline as she attended Elton John's 21st annual AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party in LA last night (February 24).  —  © Rex Features

'ROUND THE WAY: JANET JACKSON & WISSAM REVEAL THEY'RE ALREADY MARRIED!!  —  Janet Jackson, 46 and Wissam Al Mana, 37 are officially Mr. and Mrs. Al Mana!  Even though rumors have been circulating, saying the couple are planning a wedding, it turns out that the couple have been secretly married since last year.

Jennifer Lawrence Flips Off The Press After The Oscars!  —  Giving f*cks, she does not!  —  Katniss Everdeen has an Oscar!  —  While looking positively demure in Dior last night, Jennifer Lawrence took the press room by surprise when she let her middle finger fly while approaching the podium.

Suri Cruise — Evidence of a Tiny BODY DOUBLE!!!  —  Evidence of a  —  TINY BODY DOUBLE!!!  —  Call us suspicious ... or conspiracy theorists ... or whatever ... but we may have found proof that Suri Cruise is actually using a TINY BODY DOUBLE to fool the media!!!

Christina Applegate Marries Martyn LeNoble  —  With a child ... and now married!  —  Christina Applegate tied the knot on Saturday with longtime boyfriend Martyn LeNoble, the father of her 2-year-old daughter Sadie, “surrounded by family in a private ceremony at their home in Los Angeles,” her rep confirms to PEOPLE exclusively.

‘True Blood’ Star Ryan Kwanten — REJECTED from Oscar Party  —  from Oscar Party  —  EXCLUSIVE  —  11:40 AM PT — Sources connected to the party tell TMZ ... Kwanten was invited to the party as a guest of George Clooney and his GF Stacy Keibler ... and SHOULD have been on the list.

Exclusive First Look at the New Spider-Man Costume!  —  Following a tease by director Marc Webb himself last week, we now have your exclusive first look at the costume that will be featured in next summer's The Amazing Spider-Man 2.  Check it out below!  —  As Webb promised last November …

Kim Kardashian Drapes Baby Bump in Gorgeous White Dress at Oscars Viewing Party  —  Kim Kardashian ditched her usual maternity gear — a combination of black leather pants and sky-high booties — for a touch of elegance at the Oscars on Sunday, Feb. 24.  The reality star instead walked …

Kim Kardashian & Kanye West Pose Nude On L'Officiel Hommes Paris Spring 2013 (PHOTO)  —  Celebrity Skin, Kanye West , The Kardashians, The Kardashians, Video, Kim Kardashian Kanye West L'Officiel Hommes, Kim Kardashian Kanye West Magazine Cover, Kim Kardashian Kanye West Nude L'Officiel Hommes …

Lindsay Lohan — I Screwed Up My Taxes ... 3 STRAIGHT YEARS!  —  I Screwed Up My Taxes  —  ... 3 Straight Years!  —  EXCLUSIVE  —  If blowing off taxes was hockey ... Lindsay Lohan would've scored herself a hat trick ... 'cause the actress has just been hit with a tax bill for 2011 …

I WASN'T MIRANDIZED!  —  Lindsay Lohan's new lawyer has filed a motion seeking dismissal of Lindsay's lying-to-cops case on grounds she wasn't read her Miranda rights but he's WAY off base.  —  Attorney Mark Heller isn't getting started off on the right foot.

OSCARS: How Michelle Obama's Surprise Appearance Came Together - Video  —  UPDATED: The Golden Globes got Bill Clinton but the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences got First Lady Michelle Obama tonight at the Oscars - in part thanks to Harvey Weinstein.