The Onion  · 2,265,436 like this  —  On behalf of The Onion, I offer my personal apology to Quvenzhané Wallis and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for the tweet that was circulated last night during the Oscars.  It was crude and offensive—not to mention inconsistent …

Exclusive: Andy Samberg Engaged to Joanna Newsom!  —  Credit: Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images  —  No joke — Saturday Night Live alum Andy Samberg is getting married!  A rep for the actor confirms to Us Weekly exclusively that the 34-year-old funnyman is engaged to his girlfriend of five years, singer-songwriter Joanna Newsom.

Ben Affleck's Oscar Speech — Can He Recover ... At Home??  —  BEN AFFLECK'S OSCAR SPEECH  —  Can He Recover  —  ... At Home??  —  Ben Affleck could probably use a ladder to get out of that hole he dug himself into at the Oscars last night when he called out the imperfections in his marriage …

Kristen Stewart Explains Crutches, Foot Injury to Anne Hathaway Backstage at Oscars  —  Credit: Jason Merritt/Getty; Jeff Vespa/WireImage.com  —  Kristen Stewart had good reason to be at least little Les Miserables at Sunday's Oscars at the Dolby Theatre in Hollywood.

Suri Cruise — Evidence of a Tiny BODY DOUBLE!!!  —  Evidence of a  —  TINY BODY DOUBLE!!!  —  Call us suspicious ... or conspiracy theorists ... or whatever ... but we may have found proof that Suri Cruise is actually using a TINY BODY DOUBLE to fool the media!!!

'ROUND THE WAY: JANET JACKSON & WISSAM REVEAL THEY'RE ALREADY MARRIED!!  —  Janet Jackson, 46 and Wissam Al Mana, 37 are officially Mr. and Mrs. Al Mana!  Even though rumors have been circulating, saying the couple are planning a wedding, it turns out that the couple have been secretly married since last year.

Oscars 2013: Heidi Klum almost flashes in plunging gown at Elton bash  —  Heidi Klum almost suffered a wardrobe malfunction in a daring gown with a plunging neckline as she attended Elton John's 21st annual AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party in LA last night (February 24).  —  © Rex Features

Kim Kardashian & Kanye West Pose Nude On L'Officiel Hommes Paris Spring 2013 (PHOTO)  —  Celebrity Skin, Kanye West , The Kardashians, The Kardashians, Video, Kim Kardashian Kanye West L'Officiel Hommes, Kim Kardashian Kanye West Magazine Cover, Kim Kardashian Kanye West Nude L'Officiel Hommes …

‘True Blood’ Star Ryan Kwanten — REJECTED from Oscar Party  —  from Oscar Party  —  EXCLUSIVE  —  11:40 AM PT — Sources connected to the party tell TMZ ... Kwanten was invited to the party as a guest of George Clooney and his GF Stacy Keibler ... and SHOULD have been on the list.

Kim Kardashian Drapes Baby Bump in Gorgeous White Dress at Oscars Viewing Party  —  Kim Kardashian ditched her usual maternity gear — a combination of black leather pants and sky-high booties — for a touch of elegance at the Oscars on Sunday, Feb. 24.  The reality star instead walked …

‘Dancing With the Stars’ — Andy Dick Joins Cast ... Riskiest Choice Ever?  —  ‘DANCING WITH THE STARS’  —  ANDY DICK JOINS CAST  —  Riskiest Choice Ever?  —  EXCLUSIVE DETAILS  —  “Dancing with the Stars” producers are taking a HUUUGE gamble, because they just signed Andy Dick to join the cast …

Christina Applegate Marries Martyn LeNoble  —  With a child ... and now married!  —  Christina Applegate tied the knot on Saturday with longtime boyfriend Martyn LeNoble, the father of her 2-year-old daughter Sadie, “surrounded by family in a private ceremony at their home in Los Angeles,” her rep confirms to PEOPLE exclusively.

I WASN'T MIRANDIZED!  —  Lindsay Lohan's new lawyer has filed a motion seeking dismissal of Lindsay's lying-to-cops case on grounds she wasn't read her Miranda rights but he's WAY off base.  —  Attorney Mark Heller isn't getting started off on the right foot.

OSCARS: How Michelle Obama's Surprise Appearance Came Together - Video  —  UPDATED: The Golden Globes got Bill Clinton but the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences got First Lady Michelle Obama tonight at the Oscars - in part thanks to Harvey Weinstein.