Pammi: Jessica is a bitch and a whore  —  And - after a quiet period since PARIS HILTON and LINDSAY LOHAN made up - PAMELA ANDERSON and JESSICA SIMPSON have stepped up to the plate.  —  Jessica upset Pammi and all her vegetarian chums by wearing a T-shirt proclaiming: “Real girls eat meat.”

Lauer Abs-olutely Needs a New Swimsuit  —  Where in the world is Matt Lauer's new swimsuit?!  —  While in the Bahamas this weekend, the 50-year-old proved he's still got abs — and two-year-old board shorts.  —  Although he still looks pretty good, it's clear Matt hasn't been hitting the gym — or the mall — as much as he should.

Celeb Watch: Heidi Montag is over ‘The Hills’ and the drama; video  —  SANTA MONICA, Calif. — The Hills are alive with the sounds of Montag.  —  Depending on whom you ask, Heidi Montag is the villainess on the hit MTV reality show The Hills.  But ask Montag, and she'll sing a different tune …

‘GOSSIP’ GUYS ARE IN THE CHACE  —  TV's “Gossip Girl” show is engendering big gossip but not about the girls.  About the boys.  On the show Chace Crawford plays the role of Nate Archibald and Ed Westwick plays the role of Chuck Bass.  It's who they're playing with off the show that's causing the juices to flow.

Singer Britney Spears Has Overnight Visit With Her Boys  —  Britney Spears spent Saturday night with her boys at her Los Angeles home.  —  It was the singer's first overnight visit with Sean Preston, 2 1/2, and Jayden James, 1 1/2, since she was hospitalized at L.A.'s Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in January.

Katie and Suri Are Two Striped Dancing Queens  —  After another nearly month long hiatus from Suri, the adorable tot finally emerged in mom Katie Holmes' arms after dance class in LA yesterday.  Katie may not be showing off her rhythm on stage this Fall, but she's still gearing up for her Broadway debut.

Bright Young Hollywood  —  Since V.F. first focused on Hollywood's teen titans, in 2003, the YouTube-Gawker machine has upped the ante.  For every Shia LaBeouf success, there's a Lindsay Lohan flameout.  For our August issue, Mark Seliger photographs today's crop of hot young things …

A Good Wax: Brit Brit's Ass Needs One  —  It looks like Brit Brit's kitty grew a furry coat.  Not only did her kitty get some hair, but so did kitty's next door neighbor: NALGAS.  Brit Brit went out to dinner the other night and gave the paps a hairy surprise.  At least she's wearing panties, but you can still see her hairy ass.

Where's The Line?  Fox Shows Footage of Dead Supermodel  —  Last night on “Geraldo At Large,” Fox news showed footage of the body of model Ruslana Korshunova, 20, who had died Saturday in a fall from her 9th-floor window in Manhattan's Financial District, an apparent suicide.

Amy Poehler's Baby Could Show Up on Saturday Night Live  —  “Weekend Update” co-anchors Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers  —  Saturday Night Live's roster of veteran “Weekend Update” anchors - Chevy Chase, Jane Curtin, Dennis Miller, Tina Fey - is about to get younger.

Maggie Gyllenhaal Chooses Baby Over Box Office  —  Maggie Gyllenhaal says motherhood made her a better actress, but now she wants to spend more time at home than in front of the cameras.  —  “I think having a child changes everything and has deepened everything in my life,” Gyllenhaal …

Sienna Miller Is At It Again!  —  Sienna Miller's got a lightning fast vagina.  It wastes no time in finding another peen to keep it warm.  It seemed like it was only minutes ago that Sienna dumped that Rhys Ifans dude and she's already linked to another dude.  And that other dude is married!

Charlize Breaks From Hancock to Battle With Stuart  —  Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend cozied up for the cameras to show off their documentary Battle in Seattle at a screening in LA yesterday with the likes of Matthew McConaughey and Camila.  While they managed to keep it G-rated on the red carpet …

Ringless Guy Ritchie Boards Flight to NYC  —  A ringless Guy Ritchie was photographed Monday at London's Heathrow Airport for a flight to New York, presumably to meet up with Madonna.  —  The two spent this past weekend apart as split rumors swirl.  —  Looking anguished, Madonna …

ALICIA KEYS - KEYS TO RETIRE AT 30  —  R+B singer ALICIA KEYS has decided she wants to retire by the age of 30 - so she can spend the rest of her life travelling the world.  —  The 27-year-old star often finds herself exasperated by the pressures of fame and in 2006 she took a break from music and travelled to Egypt to recuperate.