Sarah Jessica Parker Would Like a Few Words With Carrie Bradshaw  —  The Sex and the City star likes Victorian morality tales, frets about artistic purity, and laments the passing of Old New York.  So how did she become the poster girl for the New Manhattan?

Tidbits: Nicole torn between old life, motherhood  —  Plus: Star Jones' mother-in-law dishes divorce; the Wahlbergs' woes  —  Even though she recently gave birth to daughter Harlow, Nicole Richie can't seem to say goodbye to her party-girl days.  —  Though she says life's been “beyond amazing” …

Blight of the cellulite: Topless Mischa Barton reveals her very dimpled thighs  —  Young starlet Mischa Barton appears to be fighting a losing battle with the dreaded cellulite.  —  The 22-year-old actress was seen enjoying a spot of topless sunbathing in Australia - revealing her very dimpled thighs …

'Dark Knight's' Aaron Eckhart: Not just a pretty face  —  His appearance as Two-Face has been overshadowed.  That should end once the movie's out.  —  THE trailers for “The Dark Knight” have shown quite a bit of Heath Ledger's scabbier, surlier reinvention of the Joker …

This Is Exactly Why I Love Brit Brit Spears  —  Only Brit Brit would board a private jet wearing stained booty shorts and wedge flip-flops.  The Walmart plastic bag is also a nice touch.  She probably bought beef jerky, pork rinds, Combos, Easy Cheese and Sour Patch Kids for the ride.

Beyonce Shakes That Pregnant Jelly...  Beyonce made a guest appearance on the “Heart of the City” tour during Jay-z's set at the Gardens this past weekend.  Remember that wild rumor that Beyonce let Jay-z have it after he said “F*ck that” and made the DJ cut a “Crazy In Love” record during a show?

Breaking Lenses  —  One turn of the head and Tori's fug face could break all those camera lenses.  Actually, she doesn't look that bad.  It took a few vodka snorts for me to type that.  Being knocked up is doing wonders for Tori's looks.  The huge bump distracts from the face that could kill bats.

Dina Lohan: Mom of the Year?  —  Lindsay Lohan isn't the only one in the family picking up awards.  —  Dina Lohan, the actress' mother, will be honored by Mingling Moms as one of Long Island's Top 20 Moms, the organization announced Monday.  —  For what, you ask?

Beyonce Joins Jay-Z Onstage At NYC Heart Of The City Show  —  B takes the stage after Jay jokingly disses ‘Crazy in Love.’  —  Jay-Z was voted the greatest MC of all time and Mary J. Blige is the greatest R&B singer of our generation, so when they call themselves “the Heart of the City,” …

Judge to Foxy — Get Your A** In Court!  —  Foxy Brown — as in just-released-from-prison Foxy Brown — really shouldn't be testing the patience of judges.  But that's just what she did this morning in Brooklyn.  —  TMZ has learned that a judge just issued a bench warrant for Foxy's arrest minutes ago …

Memo Pad: Change Agent... For Those Who Weren't There... Lovely Kitty...  CHANGE AGENT: Is another magazine already haggling to become a partner with “Project Runway” once its contract with Elle runs out?  The Hachette Filipacchi Media title is contracted to the reality show through its fifth season, the last on the Bravo network.

A Match Made In Crack Heaven  —  Dreamboat Doherty was supposed to play London's Royal Albert Hall and then he sort-of accidentally got thrown in prison.  I say accidentally, because it wasn't meant to happen!  Dreamboat is innocent.  Anyway, Dreamy has rescheduled the show and even persuaded Amy Wino to join him on stage for a duet.

Lindsay Lohan to appear on season finale of ‘Ugly Betty’  —  LOS ANGELES - Lindsay Lohan will make a guest appearance on the season finale of ABC's “Ugly Betty.”  —  The 21-year-old actress is set to play an old schoolmate of America Ferrera's character Betty Suarez on the show's May 22 season closer …