Sarah Jessica Parker Would Like a Few Words With Carrie Bradshaw  —  The Sex and the City star likes Victorian morality tales, frets about artistic purity, and laments the passing of Old New York.  So how did she become the poster girl for the New Manhattan?

Tidbits: Nicole torn between old life, motherhood  —  Plus: Star Jones' mother-in-law dishes divorce; the Wahlbergs' woes  —  Even though she recently gave birth to daughter Harlow, Nicole Richie can't seem to say goodbye to her party-girl days.  —  Though she says life's been “beyond amazing” …

Blight of the cellulite: Topless Mischa Barton reveals her very dimpled thighs  —  Young starlet Mischa Barton appears to be fighting a losing battle with the dreaded cellulite.  —  The 22-year-old actress was seen enjoying a spot of topless sunbathing in Australia - revealing her very dimpled thighs …

FIRST LISTEN: ‘Summertime’ from New Kids on the Block  —  They've called their new single “Summertime” and the tune is, well, appropriately sunny.  The New Kids on the Block will officially release the synth-heavy anthem on May 13, but PEOPLE.com has a first taste.

This Is Exactly Why I Love Brit Brit Spears  —  Only Brit Brit would board a private jet wearing stained booty shorts and wedge flip-flops.  The Walmart plastic bag is also a nice touch.  She probably bought beef jerky, pork rinds, Combos, Easy Cheese and Sour Patch Kids for the ride.

Beyonce Shakes That Pregnant Jelly...  Beyonce made a guest appearance on the “Heart of the City” tour during Jay-z's set at the Gardens this past weekend.  Remember that wild rumor that Beyonce let Jay-z have it after he said “F*ck that” and made the DJ cut a “Crazy In Love” record during a show?

'Dark Knight's' Aaron Eckhart: Not just a pretty face  —  His appearance as Two-Face has been overshadowed.  That should end once the movie's out.  —  THE trailers for “The Dark Knight” have shown quite a bit of Heath Ledger's scabbier, surlier reinvention of the Joker …

Breaking Lenses  —  One turn of the head and Tori's fug face could break all those camera lenses.  Actually, she doesn't look that bad.  It took a few vodka snorts for me to type that.  Being knocked up is doing wonders for Tori's looks.  The huge bump distracts from the face that could kill bats.

Side Dish  —  Dina Lohan ran into Jill Zarin of “The Real Housewives of New York” fame at the “Made of Honor” premiere (where lighting-master Bentley Meeker did his best to make star Patrick Dempsey look taller).  When Jill asked Dina if she'd seen her Bravo program, Lindsay's mom replied, “No, I haven't - I don't watch TV.

HEIDI AND SPENCER ARE OFF TO THE RACES  —  ‘The Hills’ own Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were just many of the celebs in attendance at the 134th running of the Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs on Saturday.  —  The couple was dressed to the nines, with Spencer in a gray suit and Heidi in a strapless …

Judge to Foxy — Get Your A** In Court!  —  Foxy Brown — as in just-released-from-prison Foxy Brown — really shouldn't be testing the patience of judges.  But that's just what she did this morning in Brooklyn.  —  TMZ has learned that a judge just issued a bench warrant for Foxy's arrest minutes ago …

Dina Lohan: Mom of the Year?  —  Lindsay Lohan isn't the only one in the family picking up awards.  —  Dina Lohan, the actress' mother, will be honored by Mingling Moms as one of Long Island's Top 20 Moms, the organization announced Monday.  —  For what, you ask?