Pammi: Jessica is a bitch and a whore  —  And - after a quiet period since PARIS HILTON and LINDSAY LOHAN made up - PAMELA ANDERSON and JESSICA SIMPSON have stepped up to the plate.  —  Jessica upset Pammi and all her vegetarian chums by wearing a T-shirt proclaiming: “Real girls eat meat.”

Lauer Abs-olutely Needs a New Swimsuit  —  Where in the world is Matt Lauer's new swimsuit?!  —  While in the Bahamas this weekend, the 50-year-old proved he's still got abs — and two-year-old board shorts.  —  Although he still looks pretty good, it's clear Matt hasn't been hitting the gym — or the mall — as much as he should.

Katie and Suri Are Two Striped Dancing Queens  —  After another nearly month long hiatus from Suri, the adorable tot finally emerged in mom Katie Holmes' arms after dance class in LA yesterday.  Katie may not be showing off her rhythm on stage this Fall, but she's still gearing up for her Broadway debut.

A Good Wax: Brit Brit's Ass Needs One  —  It looks like Brit Brit's kitty grew a furry coat.  Not only did her kitty get some hair, but so did kitty's next door neighbor: NALGAS.  Brit Brit went out to dinner the other night and gave the paps a hairy surprise.  At least she's wearing panties, but you can still see her hairy ass.

10 Questions With: Molly Ringwald  —  To Gen Xers, she'll forever be an iconic '80s teen, but — surprise!  — ‘Breakfast Club’ star Molly Ringwald is 40 years old now.  So, in ABC Family's new drama <a href='http://television.aol.com/show/ secret-life-of-the-american-teenager/ 10250943/main …

‘GOSSIP’ GUYS ARE IN THE CHACE  —  TV's “Gossip Girl” show is engendering big gossip but not about the girls.  About the boys.  On the show Chace Crawford plays the role of Nate Archibald and Ed Westwick plays the role of Chuck Bass.  It's who they're playing with off the show that's causing the juices to flow.

Charlize Breaks From Hancock to Battle With Stuart  —  Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend cozied up for the cameras to show off their documentary Battle in Seattle at a screening in LA yesterday with the likes of Matthew McConaughey and Camila.  While they managed to keep it G-rated on the red carpet …

Britney Spears Seeks Quiet Home for Her Kids  —  Britney Spears wants to move from her L.A. house to “a lower density, more quiet and less trafficked neighborhood,” according to a court document filed by her co-conservators, father Jamie and attorney Andrew Wallet.

Louise Redknapp shows off her blooming baby bump in the Sardinian sun  —  Louise Redknapp's pregnant glow was on full beam during a romantic getaway in Italy with her husband Jamie yesterday.  —  The radiant 33-year-old proudly showed off her growing baby bump as she strolled around the pool …

Where's The Line?  Fox Shows Footage of Dead Supermodel  —  Last night on “Geraldo At Large,” Fox news showed footage of the body of model Ruslana Korshunova, 20, who had died Saturday in a fall from her 9th-floor window in Manhattan's Financial District, an apparent suicide.

Lindsay's Dad Donates DNA for Paternity Test  —  Michael Lohan is confident he's not facing his very own parent trap.  —  Lindsay Lohan's dad tells E! News he provided a DNA sample for a paternity test this morning and is now convinced that the results will shoot down a woman's claim …

Ashton and Demi Are Young at Heart  —  Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore showed that there's still time for fun in their hectic schedules, taking Scout to the go-kart track on Sunday.  Ashton looks pretty silly stuffed into one of those cars, but we can't see him having any problem getting into the competitive spirit.

Former Idol Star Paris Bennett Is Pregnant  —  Paris Bennett  —  American Idol's “Princess P” is going to be a proud parent, her rep confirms to PEOPLE.  —  Paris Bennett, 19, the Idol singer who was an early favorite - and an early ejection - in the show's fifth season in 2006 …

Amy Poehler's Baby Could Show Up on Saturday Night Live  —  “Weekend Update” co-anchors Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers  —  Saturday Night Live's roster of veteran “Weekend Update” anchors - Chevy Chase, Jane Curtin, Dennis Miller, Tina Fey - is about to get younger.

Sienna Miller Is At It Again!  —  Sienna Miller's got a lightning fast vagina.  It wastes no time in finding another peen to keep it warm.  It seemed like it was only minutes ago that Sienna dumped that Rhys Ifans dude and she's already linked to another dude.  And that other dude is married!

Maggie Gyllenhaal Chooses Baby Over Box Office  —  Maggie Gyllenhaal says motherhood made her a better actress, but now she wants to spend more time at home than in front of the cameras.  —  “I think having a child changes everything and has deepened everything in my life,” Gyllenhaal …