WHY BRITNEY COULDN'T HACK IT  —  Britney Spears has no one to blame but herself for her disastrous performance at the MTV Video Music Awards Sunday night.  The lip-synching pop tart showed up for her big comeback late, unprepared and with a drink in her hand.

Madonna's X-rated purchase revealed  —  More than a decade after shocking the world her infamous coffee table photo-book Sex, Madonna has proved that she's still capable of raising eyebrows.  —  While she may have traded in that infamous raunchy image for a more settled life as a mother-of-three …

Jessica Simpson Is Going Country  —  Jessica Simpson is ready to add another accessory to her always-stylish look - a cowboy hat.  —  The singer is "talking about doing a country record and going back to her roots, being from Texas," Jessica's father and manager, Joe Simpson …

Rosie O'Donnell Tells Barbara Walters to Retire  —  Rosie O'Donnell has some words of advice for Barbara Walters: Go, already.  —  In her upcoming memoir, Celebrity Detox, which sheds light on, among other episodes in her life, the TV star's tumultuous stint last season on The View …

There's Something About Tori  —  It looks like Tori Spelling has dropped all the baby weight, but it also looks like she's had a little help from Mr. Scalpel.  Homegirl is probably going to say that she did it with "pilates and eating healthy" but pilates will not make your face look like a stretched out whoopie cushion.

Oprah Winfrey leaves her dogs $30 mil, gives Stedman $250 mil for split  —  Like Leona Helmsley, whose dog Trouble inherited $12 million, billionaire Oprah is planning on bequeathing her dogs a sum that could serve as hefty lottery winnings.  —  When Oprah kicks, her dogs are going to get $30 million for their care.

Jennifer Hudson Signs Up for Sex and the City  —  In her first major role since her Oscar-winning performance in Dreamgirls, Jennifer Hudson is joining the cast of Sex and the City: The Movie.  —  The singer and actress, 25, will portray the assistant to Sarah Jessica Parker's shoe-obsessed …

Amy Winehouse gets £300 pocket money a week  —  Amy Winehouse's mother is controlling her spending by restricting her to a £300 a week budget.  —  Janis Winehouse, 52, is so worried about her daughter she controls the rest of her income and only gives her the pocket money to prevent her spending more on drugs.

Brit's Bits Exposed...Again  —  We don't blame Britney Spears for hitting the town and partying her cares away after last night's disastrous MTV VMA performance.  But is it too much to ask that she do it with some underwear on?  —  The 25-year-old mom of two, who was spotted crying backstage …

Hudgens to Go "Wild"?  —  If embattled "High School Musical" star Vanessa Hudgens decides to move on from Disney, Joe Francis says he'll be there to pick up the pieces!  How convenient!  —  TMZ has learned that Francis, King of the Boob Flash, has offered Hudgens $500,000 to "join the GGW brand and lifestyle."

Dare To Keep Kids Off Courtney  —  Sharon Osbourne blames Courtney Love for Jack Osbourne's drug problems.  Sharon said she will never EVER talk to Court again for giving Jack OxyContin when he was 15. … In 2003 Jack checked into rehab for his OxyContin addiction.  He's been drug-free ever since.

Tommy — "Kid Pebble" Bitch-Slapped Me!  —  Tommy Lee may have been on the receiving end of Kid Rock's fist at the MTV VMAs Sunday night, but Tommy saw fit to spit back at Kid last night on his site at TommyLee.tv, calling him a "country bumpkin" and pooh-poohing his punch as a "bitch slap."

Pete Wentz: It's 'Crazy' Kissing Best Friend Ashlee Simpson  —  Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson looked like music's most romantic couple at the MTV Video Music Awards in Las Vegas this weekend - and it wasn't just for show.  —  "We're past the honeymoon period," Wentz told PEOPLE.

It's Not That Serious!!!!!!!  —  The Insider has the backstage video of Kanye West throwing the diva tantrum at the VMAs that was widely reported.  Norma Desmond he is not!  Bitch needs to stop acting like he f**king lost an Oscar or something.  It's a damn MOONMAN.  S**t Kanye, I'll buy you one myself.

A 'new' Tennessee Williams play reaches Broadway  —  Stellar!  A "new" Tennessee Williams play is coming to Broadway, almost 25 years after the writer's death.  —  Williams' old friend Gore Vidal is completing his unfinished "In Masks Outrageous and Austere" for a production to be directed by Peter Bogdanovich.

LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!!  —  You bitches love a good Britaloonie!  I woke up this morning to see my inbox used and abused with this video from YouTube star Chris Crocker.  Chris is a 19-year-old Britaholic that uses YouTube and MySpace to demonstrate his love for Britney Spears.